Subaqua Sternal Rubs

Ambuslaps - Sharp, double blows, delivered to the back door of an ambulance, presumably to signal the driver to pull away; often seen on television.

Ambusneak - To shut down all lights and sirens several blocks from a scene (also see cloaking device).

Ambudextrous - Ability to hold BVM with two hands and squeeze the bag with your elbow.

Beltsnarl - Mishandling of an ambulance seat belt by a frantic relative accompanying a patient; typically results in a need for assistance with disentanglement.

Blurrections - Unintelligible directions to a call (e.g. "hang a left where the old schoolhouse used to be")

Brady Brunch - Medication (typically 0.5 mg atropine) administered in an attempt to increase a patient's heart rate.

Breathanol - A gaseous, still-potent form of alcohol found wafting from the mouths of certain EMS frequent fliers.

'Clean Jerk' - What you hope you get when you pick up a body that's been down for a long time.

Cloaking device - A yet-to-be-invented gadget that renders an ambulance invisible to people who have nothing better to do than call 911 several times a day.

Code Surfing - Riding the stretcher into the ER while performing CPR

Corpseekers - Bystanders who maneuver and crane at the scene of a fatality, hoping to catch a glimpse of the recently deceased.

Dash trash - Paperwork, Burger King wrappers and other assorted litter that accumulates on an ambulance dashboard.

Diesel Zone - The area to the right rear of an ambulance in high idle at an emergency scene; marked by hot, toxic gases, the atmosphere is impenetrable to bystanders.

Docklings - A whole bunch of baby interns or residents following the attending physician through the hospital corridors.

Ecnalubmauloid - Any person who asks why "ambulance" is spelled backward on the front of your rig.

EMS Wedgie - The condition of an EMS worker after being "helped" (with a firm grip on the belt accompanied by lifting action) while carrying a patient down a flight of stairs.

FACBP - A Fellow of the American College of Bystander Physicians; can easily be identified at any emergency scene as he shouts orders (typically "hurry up!") at EMS personnel.

Flaffling - Hand motion by drivers stopped at intersections; intended to "help" the responding ambulance through.

Gleek - Any embarrassing siren noise, produced either unintentionally by the siren operator or intentionally by a "gleeky" partner.

Glovidue - Stubborn white powder marks left on dark uniform pants or the steering wheel after surgical gloves are removed.

Golden Four Minutes - The critical period prior to shift change when calls are most likely to come in.

Kevlodor - The pungent aroma that wafts from body armor after several hours of continuous wear, particularly on a hot day.

Lightbar Squirt - A momentary activation of emergency lights as a greeting to passing fire apparatus, police cars, and other ambulances.

Medimutes - Patients whose relatives feel compelled to answer all questions for them.

Mediperks - Imaginary rewards that frequent flier patients are working up to (e.g. a free toaster after their 20th ambulance ride).

Positive Samsonite Sign - Victim requests emergency response. On arrival, victim standing at the curb with suitcase packed.

Singer Technique - Rapid and repeated plunging of the IV needle attempting to find a vein. Considered bush league.

Spazner - Any frantic relative at the scene of an emergency who gets in the way and generally makes things worse.

Spooge - Sticky residue, usually of organic origin; may be found on poorly cleaned backboards, laryngoscopes and other medical equipment, or on ambulance armrests.

Talboting - The act of driving as slowly as possible to delay arrival at an unsafe scene or unsavory call.

Telexaggeration - A situation in which dispatch information does not match actual patient condition (e.g. "leg amputation" turns out to be a skinned knee).

Tele-Medic - a newsperson's general term; used to call every EMS person on a scene a "paramedic"

Two Dude Syndrome - Victim beat up; generally reports minding own business when, "two dude's beat the shit out of me."

Wailmuffs - Secret headgear worn by civilian drivers who don't want to be bothered by the ambulance behind them.

Yelpkins - Children who hear sirens and run out to watch a passing emergency vehicle.

Yelpswerve - A sudden, violent, evasive maneuver performed by a civilian driver who has just realized that an ambulance is behind them.

Airborne Ranger - Suicide by fall.

Arrhythmia - Living an alternative rhythm style.

BA Bingo - Play the lottery on blood alcohol results.

BATS fracture - Broke All To Shit

Bluey On The Green - Full arrest on the golf course.

Concrete poisoning - What a jumper dies from.

Cranial Rectal Inversion - Head up butt.

CTD - Circling The Drain; see also FTD

DFO -Done Fell Out.

DRT - Dead right there.

Doing The 'Elvis' - Vagal out on the toilet.

EMD - Early morning discovery (Woke up dead).

FTD - Fixin To Die.

Gravitational Disassociation - What intoxicated people experience when they fall.

Hamburger Helper - pedestrian vs. AMTRAK.

Instant Ambulance- Hip pack carried by the overzealous medic.

Insurance Pain- "Neck pain" secondary to minor MVA.

Opscultate - To visually measure a patient's vital signs without actually taking them.

Patient Vu - The strange feeling that you've transported a particular patient before.

Polyadipose Dysfunction - Big fat person.

Projectile Vomit - ALWAYS has the right of way!!

PVC Challenge - Intubation.

"Q" sign - Someone who lays unconscious with their mouth open and tongue hanging out.

Stare of Life - Look on a rookies face during his first code.

Status Asparagus - Brain dead patient.

Urban Outdoorsman - Homeless person.

Vital Signs 'WNL' - We Never Looked.

Windshield Taste Test - MVA victim who nails the windshield unrestrained.

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