Subaqua Sternal Rubs

In New York, as I'm sure in many other states, there is a little known law that almost outdates Emergency Vehicles. It reads thus:

Whereas; While operating a motor vehicle of any nature as long as it it powered by internal combustion, (i.e. Car, Truck, Tractor, Motorcycle, Horse-Drawn Cart, etc….) upon a public right-of-way (Interstate, City, County, Rural Road or Goat Trail);

Whereas; A vehicle with multiple visual and audible warning devices (Lights, Siren or Frantically Waving and Screaming Passenger), commonly known as an Emergency Vehicle, is seen to approach your vehicle from the rear (the place you have already been and hence ignore);

Whereas; Upon recognizing this rapidly approaching Emergency Vehicle, the Driver shall proceed to turn up the radio of the Occupied Vehicle (to drown out that annoying noise coming from said Emergency Vehicle);

Whereas; Immediately following the increasing of the audible output of your stereo system, the Driver is instructed to display to the Driver of the rapidly approaching Emergency Vehicle, via the rear-view mirror (if so equipped) a look of complete confusion followed by sheer terror;

Whereas; Upon completion of the afore-mentioned requirements the Driver of the vehicle must complete a progression of high-speed, highly technical maneuvers, in a random pattern, with varying degrees of difficulty, in order to confuse the Driver of the rapidly approaching Emergency Vehicle;

Whereas; After completion of this series of highly technical manuevers, the Driver is instructed to apply the velocity reduction device in a radical manner, to which the Driver of the rapidly approaching Emergency Vehicle must perform their own random pattern of evasive maneuvers.

Whereas; When the Driver of the now, not-so-rapidly approaching Emergency Vehicle passes your vehicle, you (the Driver) are to acknowledge any and all hand signals passed along to you (the Driver) with a look of utter senselessness.

Proposal passed by the Congress of the State of New York; forwarded to the Governor of the State for signature into Law.

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