Subaqua Sternal Rubs

1. Your home phone rings, you pick up the receiver and say, "911…What is your emergency?"

2. The word "Code" is now an unwelcome four-letter word in your vocabulary.

3. When family emergencies are classified as: Code 1 - Not urgent but needs attention; Code 2 - Urgent and needs your attention now; Code 2 - Urgent and needs your attention ASAP.

4. When SOB now means Shortness Of Breath, and not necessarily how you feel about a person.

5. When you stop looking at clothing for fashion, and look at it for function and durability.

6. When your spouse has his or her hands on you, and the reason is practicing Patient Assessment, and not passion.

7. When you're doing Ambulance Duty time, and your only child doesn't recognize your voice on the phone.

8. When you're doing Ambulance duty, and go home, your own dog won't let you into the family house, because it no longer recognizes you.

9. When members of the opposite sex are on the same vehicle in various states of half-dress, and nobody notices enough to mention it, or be embarrassed.

10. When the word "tone" doesn't refer to color, but that sound that sends your entire body into overdrive.

11. When the colors red, white and blue bring to mind accident scenes, and then the American Flag.

12. When "latex" no longer immediately brings to mind safe sex, but the gloves you wear.

13. When it takes you longer to set up your gear and get into the shower, than it does to actually take the shower.

14. When you take time off, you're more nervous than when you're "on duty."

15. When "SHEETS" bring to mind where you record your patients' vital information, and not the linen that you make your bed with.

16. When "PEARL" isn't something you wear around your neck, but is something you pray you'll see in your patient's eyes.

17. When it becomes normal to drop your fork and run out on family meals, get-togethers, and company…and those left in your wake understand and continue, as this is perfectly normal behavior among civilized people.

18.When family pets clear a path when they hear the tones go off, so they won't get mowed over, then greet you when you come home, forgiving you for doing just that.

19. When you are asleep, and dream the tones are going off, and you wake up heading for the bedroom door in a full run, shoes on, radio in hand, and you don't even recall getting out of bed.

20.When "TIME" means how long it took you to reach your patient's home instead of what hour of the day it is.

21.When "RHYTHM" is a designation of heart function, and no longer a birth control method.

22. When matters of the heart refer to CPR, and not romance.

23. When "VENTILATE" means breathing for your patient, and not opening doors and windows.

24. When caffeine becomes a SEDATIVE.

25. When you shake a person's hand, and your first thought is "Great veins."

26. When joules (pronounced "jewels") are not diamonds and emeralds, but the power rate on a Monitor/Defib unit.

27. When "Circling the Drain" has nothing to do with water emptying from your bathtub or sink.

28. When sticks aren't what fall from trees and litter your lawn, but what you do to a patient's veins.

29. When hairline refers to a fracture, and not a concern for your barber.

30. When reflective tape becomes a searched-for fashion plus.

31. When artifact is something you see on a Monitor/Defib unit, and not an antique you find in a museum.

32. When a motionless and silent child is no longer a desired sight.

33. When a male purchases sanitary napkins, not for his wife, but for pressure dressings on his patients.

34. When MAST refers to anti-shock pants, and not something that attaches the sails to your boat…which you no longer have time for anyway.

35. When a "FIB" was bad to tell your mom, and now it's a bad rhythm for your patient.

36. When you no longer watch sporting events to see the scores, but to see how the EMS people on-scene handle the trauma cases.

37. When you realize just what is meant by "There is no sex in EMS"…and so does your significant other.

38. When "P.O." no longer necessarily means you are angry at something.

39. When A&P isn't a grocery store's name anymore, but is Anatomy and Physiology to you.

40. When "RADIAL" is where your patient's pulse is located, not what type tires are on your vehicle.

41. When the "best funny line" expression about how cold your hands are finally results in one of your patients asking you, "And just how did you find out how cold a bull frog's butt is???"

42. When the majority of your patients are no longer your parent's age, but are your own children's age.

43. When you notice that your worst "Pre-EMS bad hair day" isn't even close to your very best "EMS hair day"…and neither you nor your partner mentions it or are embarrassed by it anymore.

44. When you are traveling down the road in your car and reach a person on the cell phone and the first words out of your mouth tend to be, "We are presently enroute to your facility with…"

45. You can finish a seven-course dinner before anyone else has touched their salad.

46. You sleep fully dressed at home, just because you like to.

47. The phone at home rings, and you put your shoes on.

48. You have a pet name for your cardiac monitor.

49. Your idea of a great dinner is one that's warm.

50. Your spouse takes you to dinner at a nice restaurant and you tell the maitre'd that you'd like it fixed to go "just in case."

51. You can type Med Control's phone number faster than your own…without looking.

52. You know the patient's medical history better than they do.

53. You drive better asleep than you do awake.

54. You can eat spaghetti and meatballs while watching "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre."

55. You wake up for a shift change and can't remember the calls you ran last night.

56. You talk to your ambulance.

57. You no longer get upset when someone calls you an "Ambulance Driver."

58. Your idea of a good call is one that's cancelled while you're enroute.

59. When starting your personal vehicle, you reach for the "Battery On" switch.

60. Your home phone rings, you pick up the receiver and say, "911…What is your emergency?"

61. You buy stock in Wendy's and McDonald's just to try and get the "shareholder's discount."

62. Your Christmas wish list only includes items from Gall's, Bound Tree and Laerdal catalogues.

63. You refer to "Rescue 911″ as "Educational Television."

64. Your spouse sleeps with their mouth open, and you see it as a great chance to practice your intubation technique.

65. When every time you're a passenger in a POV, you call out, "Clear to the right!" at every intersection.

66. When you repeatedly catch yourself grabbing the front of the basket on your spouse's shopping cart and leading him/her throughout the shopping center/mall/etc.

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